This reading depicts my journey for the next months and gives me direction about how to proceed in fulfilling personal goals. The cards take my ineffectual extroverted energy and funnel it into pursuits that enrich my inner life.
The Devil (January) decentralizes my overintellectualization about the world around me. The card sets up the reading to center around my ego energy and how I am going to channel it for the next six months. Overthinking matters and creations from my intellect are invalid, as are stereotypes and trying to name myself. It’s time to leave that behind and pursue pure essences. My study of wabi sabi is timely. I see this card as being about true humility: allowing the ego to stand alone without naming it or trying to decorate it with artificial concepts. Letting a natural part of me be itself and express itself, without fear or a need to conform.
In order to protect myself from psychic assault as I gather energy for my life purpose, I must embrace the masculine within myself. The Lord of Scepters (February) is a leader who does not leave traces. He directs the abilities of others and enters situations with daring and purpose. At the same time, the feminine is embraced through temperance and compassion. The false leader displays masculine characteristics without feminine temperance, acting out of fear and aggression. This is a further challenge to me to do away with dualistic thinking. Male and female are illusions in the spiritual realm. There is no limit or label for myself or my behavior.
The Lord of Scepters is the authority within myself who keeps chaos at bay by directing me toward goals and solutions. It’s key to remain tuned in to this authority in order to leave old habits behind completely.
In March, The Hierophant asks me to submit to reality. I am enslaved by nature of my personal history and my society, as birthright. Institutions came into being before I was living, but in a sense, they are as much a part of myself, and I take responsibility for them as a human soul who lived before, hundreds of years ago. These tangible and intangible institutions affect my life, and it’s time to stop struggling and be at peace with what is. Only after acknowledgement can I make conscious choices based on reality, instead of what I want reality to be.
I had a dream of expecting to be protected by a man against three more sinister men, but the man left me without a backward glance. I was shown that even as I disparage and invalidate the institution, I subconsciously expect its protection and valor toward me. I even expect its laws to protect me from my own subconscious fears and yearnings.
Making less comfortable choices (The Hanged Man) initiates my soul’s progress. Conscious choices and decisions will become the norm for me, and I will no longer fall back into old habits that relinquish my personal power. Questioning choices that are more familiar and obvious to me will become second nature, and I will become more facile as I enact this power.
In May, emphasis returns to my own work, with the Eight of Skulls. In a sense, this is a place that is familiar and archaic to me: the Hermit’s study. Due to challenging myself in preceding months to increase my attention span, my consciousness and focus will have lengthened and will allow significant progress toward my goals.
In the Ten of Skulls (June) I will experience completion in some of my projects. This will come through inner trials that I have faced in preceding months; in particular, the fear of completion itself. I have been holding on to many things half-finished due to fear of loneliness or emptiness. My personal growth allows me to release my work and submit to inner directive through stillness or emptiness; the Ace of Scepters lies within the Ten of Skulls. Each completion is also a beginning. My spiritual growth will allow me to enact this knowledge to fulfill the goals my soul desires to achieve.
God: an inner experience. Not discussable as such, but impressive. Psychic experience has two sources: the outer world and the unconscious. All immediate experience is psychic. There is physically transmitted (outer world) experience and inner (spiritual) experience. The one is just as valid as the other. God is not a statistical truth, hence it is just as stupid to try to prove the existence of God as to deny him… Belief and disbelief in God are mere surrogates. The naive primitive doesn’t believe, he knows, because the inner experience means as much to him as the outer.
— Carl Jung
I have noticed that in situations where I have set my intentions to act consciously, it is not difficult to carry out my plans, and sometimes I even experience happiness. However in times when I have not set intentions, chaos reigns, and I experience emptiness and addictive craving.
In this reading I see a landscape in winter, hills locked under a bank of snow. Two natures are represented in the beginning: one is passionate, lively and interfering; the other is retiring and soft. The latter quality comes into fullness as I turn within for truths, no longer searching outside of myself, losing more of myself.
The other, more volatile side suffers. She is immobilized and helpless. She has been defeated momentarily, and she has receded to a shadow that stands just on the other side of consciousness. Nothing has been gained or lost in this change, and there is no victory of myself over others. Power flows like rivulets of water that change their courses. The water now is frozen and unmoving, but it is still there. When temperatures change, it will flow again.
The culture and common religion around me taught me to give my personal power away to others. Words like “witchcraft” and “Satan” carried a feeling of terror with them for me, because of what God would do to me if I even turned my face to examine those concepts.
I was bound, not only by contemporary Christian religion, but by my parents from making decisions for myself.
What evil did Satan really do, except turn away from God and begin his own legion? In that myth God is a dictator who punishes those who do not remain under his control. Satan was made the reason for the evil deeds we do, since under that mythos we are no more capable of doing evil on our own than we are of doing good. The source of power is always outside of the self in Christian mythology.
What is witchcraft, except directly controlling your own destiny? Many are programmed with a sense of terror at doing so, not only for fear of being damned by God, but because they don’t believe they have the wit or wherewithal to control their own future. By doing any other than surrendering to God, they will bring chaos into their lives.
However, the consequences of handing yourself and your future over to another mind are dire and tragic. Without the means to question the integrity of the institution that controls you, body and soul, you surrender your entire life to another’s agenda. Is it any accident that the Catholic church seeks to control even the details of male emission during intercourse? By controlling your sexuality, a church has your core identity on a leash.
There are other, older ideas. I have been studying zen as a means of effective combat against others. Zen was what the samurai studied in order to be effective in battle. Two ideas lately have helped me a great deal:
(1) Nondualism. There is neither life nor death. There is neither myself, nor you, my enemy. We are one. Fear or rage builds when I see others separate from myself. However through fear or rage I give myself away. The illusions create entropy and loss of personal power.
(2) The core. I do not allow others’ behavior to interfere with my intentions. Whether in combat or at rest my core is centered and strong like the nonmoving axle of a wheel. I do not parry another person’s attack. I follow through with the movement I intended. This eliminates power struggle, which is shallow and ego-based.
The more esoteric religion I have studied, the more I have become convinced that life is but a dream. As above, so below. It frees my tongue and body to say and do on the earth plane, knowing that it will move spiritual bodies in the astral plane. This world is not “everything.” It is a vague shadow cast by entities I cannot presently see (— Plato).
At my core I am neither male nor female. This is the resting center point of all of my meditation studies. In this way I become the same as all other beings.
I used to fear anger. In my childhood and church it was never acceptable for me to be angry. However, anger is an energy that I have to face and learn to deal with every day. Anger is the heat and energy of my personal core. It is my own power rising up because I have not expressed myself sufficiently. Often things I feel angry about are not the other person’s fault.
“Anger is not usually about what is happening in a certain moment but what we couldn’t help in moments past.
Today I will see my emotions for the truth they reveal, not needing to subject anyone else to whatever frustrations I may not have yet recognized.” — Meg Losey, Touching the Light, Day by Day
By resenting elements from my upbringing and personalities I contact, I continue to give away my personal power.
By owning responsibility for my feelings, I empower myself.
Happy Friday the 13th! Today is my work’s Christmas party.
Here is my reading;
I broke away and chose to embrace my extreme sensitivity. I went into the unknown this week and found a lot of chaos. My creative work has been long undone and done in distracted fragments for months. I leaned into the darkness and reached for my self, not knowing if I remained there. My confidence and sexuality feel long dissolved. Yet a small orange light was uncovered. I am on the right path, the Six of Scepters confirmed. By embracing my deep sensitivity and no longer combatting in toxic situations I have regained great energy.
My heart is the entity in question. After days of snowbound solace I am returning to work with trepidation. If anything I am tenderer than when I left. At the same time, I have been meditating deeply on what is truly of value to me.
The central figure is being stalked. She has wrapped her arms around herself, concealing her heart from view. She has made the conscious choice to shield her emotions from manipulation.
This Gordian knot I face: my refutes and protests will be held against me. The more I voice my perspective, the more the other will feel threatened. There is no conclusion to be had other than to move on. My energy is being lost to that situation in the form of worry.